GUEST POST: How to be P-Awesome

Hello, my name is Buddy and I'm a two year old Jack Russell terrier. I'm the undisputed king of my house, and my human subjects live to serve me. As I've got life so well figured out, I've been asked to write this guest post, advising you on how to become a majestic son-of-a-bitch, just like me. (That isn't rude because I am literally the son of a bitch.)

How to: Get everything you want
You want something? Wee on it. You heard me. Every time you wee on something, it automatically becomes yours. By this technique, I own every single bush within a 2 mile radius of my house. It's super effective! So if you want that lovely new desk planner in Paperchase, just do a little wee on  it and claim it as your own. Nobody else is going to want it once you've done that! Sorted.

How to: Deal with your enemies
Everyone has enemies. My arch nemesis is a blackbird that always sits on my garden fence, singing away. What a menace! I hate him! I deal with this fiend by incessantly barking at him. I keep on barking, even if he has departed some ten minutes ago. I recommend that you take the same attitude towards your enemies. If you can't bark as well as me, just screaming blue murder at them works too.

How to: Have the best of everything
Steal your friends' possessions! Even if you have the exact same toy as your friend, theirs is better somehow. You don't know why or how, but that is definitely true. You should always attempt to steal whatever toy it is that your friend has, and guard all of the toys in your bed. Even though you can only play with one toy at a time, you need to have all of them. If your friend tries to take a toy back, growl loudly at them to show them who's boss. 

How to: Woo your beloved
I am a real ladies man. The girls just love me! The fact that I'm the only boy dog in a house of female dogs has absolutely nothing to do with it. I like to woo the ladies by sniffing their butts. They can't resist me! I recommend that you waltz up to your would-be lover, wag your tail, and then take a good sniff at their butt. They'll be putty in your hands! You can thank me later.

Life can be ruff if you're not as p-awesome as me, so I hope that this post will help you! 🐾

If your dog does any of the same daft things as me, please share in the comments below!

Until next time,

A x         Buddy